LazyFerrett Studios Insults Ferrets and Studios Everywhere

It’s all too often that some dumbass kid has a grandiose idea for a video game, and comes to Kickstarter acting like most of the hard work – coming up with the idea – is already done, and money will do the rest. I write these posts partly to present the reality of the situation, whether to the creator or anyone else even thinking of doing a similar project. And hey, they’re a bunch of naive kids, so they don’t know any better.

So when I see a fucking full grown ass adult coming to Kickstarter with even less preparation than any dumbass kid, I have to reflect on just how fucked humanity is with these people around. For anyone who thinks I’m too harsh on the little brats, I want you to look closely at this asshole, and realize that this is the kind of shit I’m trying to prevent in the future.

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Enter LazyFerret Studios, a 35 year-old man who knows some programming languages, has a really vague idea of the game he wants to make, and only wants $50,000 to get some art into it.

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Why Kickstarter Sucks for Videogames (And Why It’s Never Going To Get Better)

This is an old post, evidenced by the links to older articles in it, but I kept putting off posting it for some reason. Therefore, it is not the “next post” I teased in the last post. But I after reading it, having sat in queue for so long, it seems worth posting, if only to get it out of my system. So here is yet another rant, harping on no particular project.

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Yogfail Failventures! (or Brace Yourselves; Winterkewl is Coming)

First of all, I’d like to thank the press boom following the announcement of the finale to the protracted failure that was Yogventures for getting this blog some extra views. And for the chuckle that it was being found under the search term “yogscast game fail”. That’s all I’ve ever wanted: for someone to Google a failure, and have it lead them here.

Wait.

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Four Kickstarters Later, Skyrim is Still Boring

If there’s one hipster complaint about Skyrim that I agree with, it’s that conventional wisdom in RPGs today made it nothing more than a single-player MMO. Talk to NPC, follow quest marker, kill thing, rinse, repeat. You can get through the entire game without listening to a word that anyone has to say. So you’re not really “roleplaying” as much as you are checking off a “to-do” list. The Elder Scrolls series has widened its audience by appealing to the lowest common denominator of gamers, leading you by the nose so that you don’t have to ever think. But, believe it or not, some people actually like to think.

That’s why TeamGrump – which is actually one person (so much for there being no “I” in “team”) – has proposed the Skyrim Quest Overhaul. And all it will cost you is $10,000. Why so much for a mod? Let’s find out.

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Eco Spirits: Gotta Fail Em All

There’s something really familiar about Eco Spirits, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Its would-be developers haven’t made a kickstarter before, but I feel as though I’ve already played their game. Let’s take a look through their pitch, and you can leave a comment if you figure out the game I’m trying to think of.

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Laika Believes (In A Thing Called Fail)

Video games are made about everything these days. Sure, there’s your run of the mill Carl on Duty: Black Cops and your World of Zombies Online Shooter McGavin, but the real innovation, of course, lies in the indie game scene. Where else could you find a game about.. oh, I don’t know, a bunch of Russians murdering a dog?

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You can find it at Minicore Studios, the shitlords behind the widely-ignored Laika Believes: The Sun at Night.

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Failure of Existence

You are about to embark on a journey. A journey through this blog post. You will question everything you thought you knew about reading. You will read more words than you ever imagined could exist. All of your hopes and dreams lie just beyond the cut.
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Jordan Gerber Goes for the Kickstarter Fail Hat Trick

Have you ever seen one of those kids who really wants to be a part of the “cool kids” group, so they mimic whatever those kids are doing, but gets it horribly wrong every time in brand new, embarrassing ways? If you have, you’ll be excited to know that this post is about the Kickstarter version of that kid.

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If you haven’t, welcome to failure funtimes.

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Angry Shouty Rant: Early Access (Part 2)

Last time on Angry Shouty Rant, I had my disagreements with Jim Sterling’s video criticizing Steam’s Early Access. It’s not that I don’t believe that there are issues with Early Access, I just think that Jim’s specific issues with it were complete nonsense.

To sum up, Jim believes that Early Access is often used as an excuse to release an incomplete, buggy mess, and charge for a full release. As a game journalist, I expect him to know what to expect from an Alpha or Beta version of a game, and as a gamer, I’d expect him to understand the value of acquiring such a (until now) rare piece of software. Either not understanding these things or pretending not to, Jim snarks his way through nearly 8 minutes of hating the fact that these in-development games don’t give him a full gameplay experience.

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This is fine, because I already didn’t like Jim Sterling. I think (at least lately) that he has a bunch of stupid opinions, and flaunts them as if they are revolutionary ideas. And though I’ve also had my disagreements with YouTube’s TotalBiscuit, I still have a hell of a lot of respect for him. And so it breaks my heart to tell you that TB’s problem with Early Access is even more facepalmingly stupid.

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Angry Shouty Rant: Early Access (Part 1)

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned this week, it’s that British people hate Steam’s Early Access.

And just like the last Angry Shouty Rant, we go right to none other than Escapist darling Jim Sterling.

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Hating on something Jim Sterling writes is a lot easier than hating on one of his videos; the accent, the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous tone, and of course the patented British snark all come together to make something easily likable. Unfortunately, Jim’s vapid excuse for content has removed the wool from my eyes, and it’s gotten to the point where I groan in annoyance before he even begins. The target for his attempt at relevant dialogue this time was Steam’s Early Access.

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