Monthly Archives: August 2012

The Kickstarter Trifailecta

Shitty Kickstarters are dropping like flies, and just I can’t keep up. Three failed just today, so rather than skipping some or making three separate posts, here’s a special Kickstarter fail hat trick. Continue reading

Hashbang Games Goes Out With A Whimper

“It’s been said that independent developers should focus largely on polish…”

No one has ever fucking said that, Adam. It’s been said that indie developers should stop making up bullshit quotes to excuse the fact that they are trying to steal money from people using empty promises. There, that has been said. I just said it.

Oh, sorry, I was just watching the video for Orbital Blaster, the soon-to-be-failed Kickstarter project from Hashbang Games. They need 79,000 to make an iPad game. I guess for some experienced developers making a really ambitious title, that’s somewhat reasonable. Continue reading

Someone Play the Tiniest Violin for Alchimia Studios

I want you to think about all of the failed video game Kickstarters. Think about Better Bug Games and their depressing lack of lunchables. They were just trying to keep a developer fed while he made shitty Flash games. And you denied him that. Dozens, maybe even hundreds, of indie devs denied the funds to work on their games full time. Continue reading

Andrew Silber’s Magic PC Converts Your Money into Games

That’s how I’m guessing this works. Magic PCs. Money goes in, game comes out. That’s what Kickstarter teaches you. This blog exists to dispel that notion. In fact, that’s part of the reason that I covered a successfully funded Kickstarter. I’m going to keep following it, and tell you how utterly it fails. How your money didn’t give them the knowledge, talent, and experience necessary to make a game. Money doesn’t allow games to be made, only skill and a drive to make games can do that.

Andrew Silber either doesn’t understand that, or doesn’t want you to. That’s why he wants $180,000 of your dollars to make Warfinger GPS. Continue reading

Leviathan Interactive is Burning Your Money in Hell

We’re going to change things up a little bit here. Normally, I rant about how terrible the people are who ask for money when they have no good reason. Today, things are going to be a little different.

I was all set to write up the same type of blog, happy to see another stupid Kickstarter die. And then you ruined it. Continue reading

The Third Time is Not a Charm for Better Bug Games

Asking for $80,000 to make a shitty 2D sidescroller takes some balls. Asking for $1.2 million when you’ve never made a game in your life takes a certain level of retardation. But asking for $500 takes a level of absurdity that neither of the other two other groups could ever know.

And yet, that’s exactly what Better Bug Games is asking for their Myrddin Tales Episode 1 project. Continue reading

Your Video Game Kickstarter Also Sucks

So, I may have been a little harsh on Generic Zombie Title 52 the other day. After all, the “team” clearly had never so much as made a block move on a plane using WASD controls. They were mostly guilty of having no idea what they were getting into – not to mention trying to get other people to pay for their ignorance. But looking back, it’s somewhat excusable if you have a passion to do something, but you have no clue how to do it. And, to be fair, I never questioned the proposed budget. As I said, with enough talented and experienced people working on something so ambitious, it was quite a modest goal. The problem was that they were not talented and experienced people. At least, there was no proof of their talent, and plenty of evidence to the contrary regarding their experience.

That’s what makes these assholes all the more reprehensible. Here’s the story so far: Continue reading

Your Video Game Kickstarter Sucks

A mere two hours from now, a Kickstarter will fail. And I cannot fucking wait.

So here I am, at my computer on a Friday evening, not because that’s what I would be doing anyway, but because I want to be there the moment that this project dies. I want to watch the light fade from its cold, dead eyes as it reflects on its miserable excuse for a month-long existence – an existence which amounted to less than one-tenth of a percent of its goal.

If it wasn’t clear, I hate this Kickstarter. More accurately, I hate what it represents. Continue reading