Category Archives: funded

The Developers Who Cried Wolf: The Truth About Publishers

Yes, I’m back*, so you can all stop begging. Before I begin, I just wanted to give a shoutout to the University of South Florida, who apparently linked one of my posts on their forums because it was about their professor. I’m a little sad I can’t see the thread. But it’s good to know that a post I wrote three years ago is still somehow relevant. Actually, it’s pretty sad to know that that particular one is still relevant, so let’s talk about some even bigger assholes.

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Yogfail Failventures! (or Brace Yourselves; Winterkewl is Coming)

First of all, I’d like to thank the press boom following the announcement of the finale to the protracted failure that was Yogventures for getting this blog some extra views. And for the chuckle that it was being found under the search term “yogscast game fail”. That’s all I’ve ever wanted: for someone to Google a failure, and have it lead them here.

Wait.

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This Is Failoween

Hey, remember when I used to write this blog? Yeah, me too.

I’ve been trying, guys. I started so many posts, saved so many links, and ranted out loud to myself about so many things, but the posts would just never work out somehow. But now with my ranting tubes all backed up with things that I just have to get out there, we’re in for another fail extravaganza!

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Dino Perrotti Desperately Wants You To Fund His Balls

Back in October, I thought Kevin Bailey was the most shameful example of desperately trying to swindle people out of money over and over again without taking the hint that people just weren’t buying the bullshit that he was selling. I may have been correct at the time, but a new contender has been rising, and his name is Dino Perrotti.

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He is a piece of shit, and if any of his real backers end up reading this, I hope you burn in hottest fires that hell has to offer.

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I Hate You All Even More Part 2: Breadwall

I suppose this was inevitable. We started with just funding games. Then we made the questionable-at-best leap to funding prototypes. We also funded DLC. And mods. Now, we’ve reached the logical conclusion to this idiocy:

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Funding Minecraft world creation.

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I Hate You All Even More Part 1: Boon Shill

Few things get my titties in a twist quite like seeing a game idea that I like have a shitty Kickstarter. And boy do my nips need some lotion after reading over the Kickstarter for Boon Hill.

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Might as well bury this.

I like new, experimental ideas in games. And while a game in which you walk through a graveyard has already been done by Tale of Tales, I believe there was no reading of headstones nor speaking with NPCs. So in an interactive sense, this is an expansion on The Graveyard? I can dig that (no pun intended).

What I can’t dig is the idea that it costs $5,000 to make it.

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This Post Should Have Been Called Pathfailure Online

I want you to picture a world for me. In this world, a game development company goes to a publisher with a prototype for their game. That publisher gives the developers all the money they need to pay all of their employees during the development period. The game is eventually finished, and released as a great success, selling many copies. The developer goes to the publisher, and as a repayment for their funding, instead of sharing the profits, hands them 500 download codes for the limited edition of the game.

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You can stop imagining that world, because it’s the one we’re living in right now. And that publisher is you. You. The complete imbeciles who funded the second Pathfinder Online Kickstarter. You bunch of brainless shitstains threw your money at Goblinworks yet again, this time to the tune of over one million dollars. Normally, I’m angry at the creators for trying to take money for horrible projects. But when those creators flat out tell you that they don’t need your help, it’s your fault for being such a fucking moron when you give them money.

Apparently, not enough people see how unnecessary this Kickstarter project was, so allow me to explain. Continue reading

Leviathan Interactive is Burning Your Money in Hell

We’re going to change things up a little bit here. Normally, I rant about how terrible the people are who ask for money when they have no good reason. Today, things are going to be a little different.

I was all set to write up the same type of blog, happy to see another stupid Kickstarter die. And then you ruined it. Continue reading