Eco Spirits: Gotta Fail Em All

There’s something really familiar about Eco Spirits, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Its would-be developers haven’t made a kickstarter before, but I feel as though I’ve already played their game. Let’s take a look through their pitch, and you can leave a comment if you figure out the game I’m trying to think of.

60_00

“The vision of this game has been in our head since 3 years ago, an extended world full of exotic creatures waiting to be discovered.Battle, train and trade monsters through different modes with your friends.”

Three years? It seems somehow older than that. Battle and train monsters.. I think you do that in Rune Factory games. But it certainly doesn’t look like anything in that franchise. Maybe it is as innovative as the developers seem to think.

“Challenge wild monsters on the road, with fun and dinamic battles; engaging and fresh mechanics. Upgrade skills, evolve creatures, discover new elements and areas.”

Evolve creatures.. that’s something you don’t do in Rune Factory. And yet, that also sounds so familiar. What could it be?

60_01

“Quests in the game will become harder so players must use clever strategies to win the battles.”

A game that gets more difficult as you progress? This is the one feature that doesn’t seem familiar. I’ve never heard of a game that does that. Sounds fascinating though.

“Every aspect of development, art, level design, music, programming, etc. is being handled by game creators with extensive experience.”

Maybe that’s it. These developers have made games before. I must have played one.

60_02

Or not.

I’m sure Brick Blaster is a lovely time, but I’m thinking of a bigger franchise. I also don’t see any monsters that could fit in one’s pocket here. But if DOT didn’t make the game I’m thinking of, who did?

“This project is on Kickstarter so it can involve YOU.”

Yup. As brilliantly innovative as the game concept is, the Kickstarter pitch follows the same old bullshit cliche lies of every developer desperate to sweet talk suckers out of their money.

“Note: We have not mentioned any specific features of the game because we will do later on working together with the fans.”

Riiiiiight. So you don’t even have a plan for what your gameplay is going to be like so that you can have other people design it for you after they pay you to make it. It’s no wonder you have such an original game; you’re always thinking ahead.

60_05

“The player begins his adventure awakening in an unknown place without remembering anything.”

I can’t even imagine a game that could start off with your character having amnesia. You guys are practically redefining what a video game is at this point.

“Digitech: It helps the player to rescue and set up monsters to get on the battles. And also look at missing monsters and buy or ask them as a gift from friends.”

Guys, maybe you should have at least Googled that one. I realize that it’s not a video game company, so I’m not saying that you’re not still 100% innovators in this field, but maybe you could not have the same name as one of the most recognizable brands in digital signal processing?

“Once you find your way and started exploring the wild areas of the game, you have no choice than fighting against all the monsters that show up on the road.”

The wild areas of the game, you say? Would, perhaps, wild creatures.. appear in those wild areas?

60_06

“As an Eco Spirits backer, you will become a member of the community…”

But only as a backer, of course. If you just have an interest in the game, but don’t want to invest in it, then fuck you, nobody cares about your opinions. Ooh, I guess that’s not a great marketing line. I can see why you stopped where you did.

“We can’t promise we can do anything you ask for, but we can promise to always be asking, and more importantly, always be listening.”

Yeah, we’ll read your shitty emails, but we’re going to make it how we want, because that whole backer-community thing is just a way to make you feel important to sucker you out of your money. And yes, of course you can’t promise anything, but in a traditional publisher-developer relationship, you’d be under obligation to do some, if not most, of those things. Crowdfunding is a way to get all of the money with little-to-no accountability. How have I not even made it to the video yet?

60_08

“5 years ago we were working at Gameloft, where we had the opportunity to make AAA mobile games like Block Breaker, Asphalt, Assassin’s Creed, Splinter Cell, and many others…”

Hm, so you’re used to working mostly with someone else’s IP, then? I wonder if that factors into this idea you have.

And then, the whimper of a dying Kickstarter.

60_fail

I suppose we’ll never uncover the mystery that is Eco Spirits. But hey, mystery private investors seem to really like games about killing cute animals, so maybe we’ll be catching all of the Eco Spirits one day.

 

Most images courtesy of Badlydrawnpokemon. Thank you for putting humor into this post. It desperately needed it.
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3 thoughts on “Eco Spirits: Gotta Fail Em All

  1. Witch Killer says:

    But my man, they did promise to always be asking.

  2. foolish cishet white male says:

    You blog is fantastic and I love it.

  3. ballistic squid says:

    You must collect all of them!

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