Back in October, I thought Kevin Bailey was the most shameful example of desperately trying to swindle people out of money over and over again without taking the hint that people just weren’t buying the bullshit that he was selling. I may have been correct at the time, but a new contender has been rising, and his name is Dino Perrotti.
He is a piece of shit, and if any of his real backers end up reading this, I hope you burn in hottest fires that hell has to offer.
It all started back in June last year. You remember that time, don’t you? It was the summer of video game Kickstarters, and every stupid asshole gamer was bursting at the seams with excitement over Double Fine’s success, and backing every other video game they could find.
Every game, that is, except “The Rolling Ball” by Dino Perrotti. And let’s face it, if you couldn’t get a video game Kickstarter funded in June 2012, then it was your own damn fault. Gamers were lining up to blow you after giving you all their money for your sweet video game promises. If your funding failed, you just had a shitty project that no one cared about. Which is what happened with Dino.
The video is 12 seconds of gameplay, which consists of a ball rolling down a street, flattening a handful of people who apparently had plans of committing suicide when you came along with the perfect way to allow their families to acquire their life insurance benefits due to “accidental death”.
It’s an iOS/Android game, so you just drag your finger along the screen, rolling over people. That’s it. It’s a game that you would see for maybe $1 on your preferred app store.
To prove how incapable of understanding his audience he is, Dino set the lowest reward tier – a download of the game – to $10. Ten fucking dollars for this half-assed game that any shit-for-brains can create over a weekend. Cue the suspicious funding chart:
On his second day on Kickstarter, he managed to get over $1,000 from 2 people, and then suddenly, nothing for the rest of the project. He either has a really supportive relative/friend with too much disposable income, or padded the project himself. And even with that, the project failed miserably, raising only $1,583 of his $28,000 goal. I’ve already hinted that he put the project back up again – so did he rework it, and come up with a better pitch?
Nope. He just tossed the project back up two weeks later, lowered the funding goal to $4,000 (somehow, $24,000 of his game became free), and changed the gameplay video to a full minute. Given how stupidly simple the game is, that’s probably too much. It just gets boring despite only being a minute long. It is a better video, though – it actually has sound! And there’s a $1 reward tier to play early demos of the game as it’s being developed, which is at least something. But, naturally, it continued to fail. Cue the second suspicious funding chart.
A whole lot of nothing, and then $500 one day from one person. At least there’s one person who actually gives a fuck about this game, even if it’s Dino himself. And so, once again, Rolling Ball fails, this time with only $737 in pledges. So he lowered the goal to one-sixth of the original, and got half the amount in pledges. Who could continue on after two failures like that?
Dino can! At least he waited a few months this time. Lowering the goal once again, this time to $3,500. On day one of the project, someone pledged a single dollar. On day two, someone else pledged a single dollar. And for the next 58 days of the campaign, crickets played out Dino much like Keyboard Cat plays out someone falling flat on their face. Dino lost his sole excited backer, and ended his third failure at $2 of the $3,500 goal. Now, the previous failure was bad, but how could you even go on living after such a failure, let alone creating another Kickstarter for the same fucking thing? Well, that’s when Rolling Ball became the Swamp Castle of Kickstarter.
“…So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp.”
But the fourth one stayed up. This is about the time I would be yelling about how much I hate you all. But after looking at the funding chart once again, I don’t think the masses are to blame.
Now, I know that most projects have spikes at the beginning and end of the project, but this is a little fucking ridiculous. And only gets more so upon further inspection.
Give me a fucking break, Dino. You immediately got $700 from 4 people in the first two days, another $200 from 1 person on the 4th day, and then pretty much flatline until the last 3 days of the project. On the third-to-last day, you got another $700 – without gaining a single fucking backer. Then $450 after gaining one backer, with an extra $50 on the very last day, just for good measure.
I’d like to say that there’s no one in the world who could ever think that this funding was legitimate. But after some of the feedback to the Project Lodus fiasco, my faith in humanity is not such that I can say it. Nevertheless, I maintain that anyone with half a brain is at least suspicious. Granted, the stakes were nowhere near as high here as they were for Lodus, but I think that in the end, Dino just couldn’t handle one more failure, and took the ultimate desperate measure, and paid for his own game to be successful on Kickstarter.
I can’t wait to see what you’re able to accomplish with your own money, Dino.
…minus those Kickstarter and Amazon fees, of course.